Originally published on The Izzy Way Blog May 9, 2022
Ever wonder if men and women have the same career stages? I must admit it wasn’t a topic on my radar until I found a values moment at work that highlighted women’s different career stages. The values moment piqued my interest as I don’t feel I’m ready to say I am on the downside of my career or have hit my peak promotion ability.
According to Avivah Wittenberg-Cox in her Phases of a Women’s Career article, women go through four:
1) Our ambitious 20’s
2) Our culture shock 30’s
3) Our re-acceleration 40’s and
4) Our self-actualization 50’s (and beyond)
I agree with most of the article, so I decided to write and share my journey in the past, present and current stages in hopes it will resonate and maybe even help some of you.
Roaring 20’s – aka “Ambition”
My 20s was when I discovered my career growth mindset. Having spent years in school, I wanted my first job to align with my chosen career path. That meant thriving in a corporate library setting right at the beginning of the Internet boom. After that, lifelong learning became my norm which later pushed me to pursue a Master’s Degree in Business Administration.
However, never in my wildest 20-something career-focused brain would I have imagined the career Pivot and Career Leap I would take that Jenny Blake and Michelle Gibbings discuss in their books. These books described career steps that seemed natural to me but had no name. I spent a lot of time in my 20s trying to explain my journey and my reasons for switching jobs to no avail. But it was simple, I was looking for ways to learn things that I couldn’t find formal education on.
Where I struggled with Avivah Wittenberg-Cox’s description of the ambitious 20s was the gender bias. I struggled with a bias of my own since I felt working in a library was traditionally a female job finding it odd at the time when a man wanted to work in a library setting. My current self would totally check my 20 something bias when saying that now. I chose to work in the library because it allowed me to focus on learning computers, information and website development, which is a gender-neutral and highly sought-after field today. There is a mass desire for data and analytics, so I unknowingly developed some key transferable skills that my male counterparts also were interested in developing – but we’ll save that for another conversation for another day.
When acquiring talent, organizations across all sectors are now heavily focused on gender diversity. We are seeing highly educated women entering the workforce with the same ambition as their male counterparts. However, ambition does not equal confidence. I’ve been helping a lot recently with the hiring process at the company I work for, and I’ve noticed women don’t always have the same confidence when applying for roles as their male counterparts. Some great female authors have written about this phenomenon around female confidence and how to build it (see my book and article recommendations below). But, it has me wishing I could teleport back to my 20-something self to let her know it’s OK to have confidence.
Avivah Wittenberg-Cox does say in her article that many companies feel they have women sussed out at this phase, but I think there is so much both women and companies can learn from each other during the ambitious 20s. I know from my personal experience – I was still figuring things out!
If you are like me and want to make small switches, here are some quick suggestions on how to prepare yourself for the next phase:
- Find ways to stretch and experiment, especially in areas outside your current skill set. You own your career and stretching is like taking an elective in school – you get to experiment to see if you want to continue stretching in that area or space.
- Seek feedback from peers, managers and other leaders in your organization to understand what competencies they feel you should grow. Don’t get caught up in conflicting responses, everyone has their own spin and opinions.
- Get out of your comfort zone by gaining confidence one step at a time. You don’t need to jump off the confidence cliff right away, but you do need to start pushing your uncomfortable level in order to gain experience and confidence.
The Interesting 30’s, aka “Culture-shock”
The beautiful 30-something’s brought forth more confidence. I finally felt like a woman going places in my career, not a newbie in my field. I felt a newfound freedom to accept my talents and growth mindset. I began to internally push back on my inner thoughts that were wondering when I might hit the stereotypical male career advancement trajectory “wall” that many other women experienced. However, I was in full stride and allowed myself to embrace my ambitions and not apologize for my past and future career decisions.
When you consider what Wittenberg-Cox describes as the “Culture-shock 30s,” I wonder how many career-focused, baby-barring female leaders feel they would also describe this stage as a culture shock. Indeed, for me, choosing to have a child at 30 was a planned decision, given my sister-in-law lovingly offered to be a gestational surrogate. Still, it did not sway my decision to continue to drive my career. I felt that being a parent and career-focused woman was doable and “meh” if sleep was a thing of the past for a few years.
However, before paternity leave, I had discussions about a promotion. Leadership told me to wait until my return and when I came back, that conversation did not occur. At the time, I was annoyed at the outcome, so I ended up leaving the company, but it did allow me to pivot my career in a new direction. Being a parent did not limit or impact my decision to break out of my comfort zone and take on the next career challenge if anything – it gave me more confidence to do so, but I did run into the “wall” when dealing with companies during this phase.
Women certainly all grow in different ways, some may choose to have a family, but that does not mean they are not still career-oriented. In an HBR article, “The 3 Things Employees Really Want: Career, Community, Cause,” the authors discuss a study on what motivates employees by age category. It was not surprising for me to read that 25 to 34-year-olds rank career first, community second and cause last. These findings certainly resonate with how I was motivated at the time. Organizations assume that many “female” leaders want to slow down when they have children – but that is not always accurate. Personal circumstances certainly play into career paths, don’t get me wrong but making advancement decisions based on family dynamics is what has allowed many of our male counterparts to surpass females in the workforce unconsciously or consciously.
Wittenberg-Cox suggests that most companies start focusing on stretching, promoting and developing high-potential employees in their mid-thirties. She suggests this is not the time to stretch women, but for me, I sought that stretch. I was focused on my career growth and development opportunities and was actively pursuing that next-leader level. Though I won’t deny my drive came with some mommy guilt moments but I knew I could be both deep down and would have welcomed any opportunity at this time.
We are all at different stages in our 30’s, here are some quick suggestions to prepare yourself wherever you are at this moment:
- Take time for yourself, and don’t say sorry for it. Burnout is real whether you choose to be a parent or not – we all have circumstances and commitments that can lead us down a path of burnout.
- Consider Lean-In Circles where you collaborate and learn with other women whether at work or not.
- Find a mentor both within your work environment and outside for a different perspective who can help guide you on career decisions.
Growth in the ’40s, aka “Re-accelerate”
Upon leaving the “culture-shock” phase, some women move to re-accelerate their careers if they chose to take time off with their children. Unfortunately, this is usually a delay in their career progression compared to their male colleagues. As Wittenberg-Cox suggests, women most certainly want to be back on the “high-performer, high-potential” list and given the same promotions and opportunities. Yet, many women, like myself, who continued working while their children were growing up, still fight the bias that our careers are not as important and that we were not as committed as our male peers up to this point.
Like a fine wine, our female confidence tends to increase and shine as we continue to drive our careers and live within the growth mindset model. Indeed, my confidence in myself grows each year, but my career focus has never wavered. What has changed in my 40s was my desire to bring cause into the mix. I no longer measure my career by being known as the expert in my field but by my ability to make a significant difference in people’s whole-life balance. I have learned to live my whole-balance life at work and live my passions through my leadership role at work and outside the office. Both the organization and I win, as I now feel that I can help break down barriers and biases that may still exist. But, please don’t think this means my 40’s self is backing down from continuing to drive towards promotions; it’s just not the only thing that fills my happiness bucket anymore.
If you are like me and have continued to gain more confidence, here are a few tips for consideration:
- Consider being a mentor to junior employees, especially women. Share your tips to gain confidence that you wish you had in your 20’s and 30’s.
- Drive ally conversations with your male peers on gender bias and support value moments when you start meetings to start the case for change.
- Continue to seek out mentors, peer mentors and coaches if you feel you need a little bit of support to elevate your career. Don’t stop now, your confidence should be on fire!
Bring it on, aka “You got this 50’s.”
As men begin to think about that “freedom 55” retirement plan and the unlimited golfing (if you like golf) that is on the horizon, many women are now fully ready to focus on their careers. If you look at men’s promotional opportunities, the thirties and forties are when most make their career leaps, and they are more inclined to want a break. Women tend to be gearing up for awesomeness, but as Wittenberg-Cox points out in her article, we don’t often hear that women still have many years of promotional runway at this stage.
You’re probably having similar conversations with colleagues about how promotable you are after forty-five. I’ve listened to it, and I disagree with it! I say, let’s squash this bias considering it follows the male-dominated career progression timeline. I continue to grow, my drive for career elevation has not once subsided, and honestly, I am excited at my future career possibilities – my career trajectory is mine and mine alone. To all the 20-40-year-old women reading this, focus on your career trajectory and drive the change in your organizations.
As a leader, my cause and career focus is on helping people be the best versions of themselves; I whole-heartedly believe that women’s career stages are undoubtedly different from men’s historically. I have witnessed the change in how organizations perceive women who are high-performing, career-oriented parents, which means we are breaking the bias. Unfortunately, not all leaders have embraced the change and still feel that women with children are not as focused, motivated, or as promotable as their male counterparts. For all women and our up-and-coming daughters, nieces, mentees, etc., let’s break the bias by continuing to drive the female career path, no matter what stage you are in.
If you are like me and not remotely ready to think about retirement, here are some suggestions to consider:
- Continue to stretch, upskill, grow and strive for promotions if your whole life balance includes working and growing your career. Companies are starting to see internal rotations and career growth until someone chooses to retire so where can you continue to expand your growth mindset.
- Continue to mentor and share your knowledge, insights and experiences
- Consider a reverse mentor where young recent graduates can share insights about new and current technologies
Article Referenced: 4 Phases Of Women’s Careers–Coping With The Crisis And The 30s
Embracing & elevating your confidence book recommendations:
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